Understanding resilience

As a therapist, it is my job to help clients navigate problems in their lives as well as how they are impacted by problem in the world around them.

But as a person, I have to be healthy enough to help clients do that while navigating problems in my own life and in the world around me.

The  reason I am able to do that, is because I am resilient.

Resilience is a term that can be misunderstood and or misused in the mental health space.  Before I discuss why resilience is important, I want to clarify what it is and what it is not.

Resilience is not:

What does not kill you makes you stronger.

This understanding of resilience is not only inaccurate, it stigmatizes people who appropriately are deeply impacted and permanently altered by trauma.

Resilience is:

Feeling capable to withstand the daily challenges that we experience. This includes being impacted (or weakened by) a difficult experience, but feeling able and having the skills to navigate through it.

Resilience requires both an optimistic mindset as well as practical life skills.

Please note: we aspire to be resilient with daily life stressors (break ups, life, transitions, workplace stress) and not during catastrophic or traumatic life events (war, trauma, or abuse).

What are the benefits of resilience?

-quicker emotional recovery from difficult events

-better perception of how significant a stressor is

-minimal emotional depletion after experiencing a challenging event

Simply put, being resilient minimizes how significantly a negative event can impact you, shortens recovery time after experiencing a stressor & causes you to feel more capable of handling future challenges.

How do you build resilience?

Building resilience starts before you experience a challenge, when things are relatively status quo.

Building resilience requires engaging in activities that bring you joy and keep you well.

Examples include:

• Regular exercise

• Eating regularly within emphasis on nutrition and joy

• Consistent sleep

• Participating in social activities

• Meaningful interpersonal relationships

• Creative activities (art, dance, gardening)

• journal writing

Essentially, building resilience is about building capacity,

Resilience is ultimately developed during moments of hardship.

It’s important to build skills prior to encountering difficulty, but it is only during moments of hardship can you test how effective your skills are.

After the hardship has passed, self reflection (what worked and did not) is an important part of increasing resilience.

Resilience is not a destination. It is not enough to do activities that build your resilience and then stop when you feel resilient.

Resilience is  like a bank account with regular debits and credits. It is important to make a regular deposits to your emotional bank account so that when large withdrawal happens (like a job loss or a breakup) your account is not suddenly at zero.

A resilient life is not the absence of scars, but rather how the scars are repaired can lead to a more meaningful and treasured life.

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." — Nelson Mandela